We need structure

As addicts we tend to revolt from authority, most of us do anyway...

Structure is something we hate.

Well, it's also something we need.

Good Fences make Good Neighbors
-Robert Frost.

Normal (not addicted people) are comfortable with structure,
our distaste for it is understandable, but misguided.

We all have boundaries, our skin is where our bodies end
and everything and everone else begins.

Our emotional boundaries are where what's appropriate for
us and what's appropriate for everyone else begins & ends.

Pia Melody speaks of Intellectual boundaries (emotional
ones are bundled together with the intellectual boundary)
and physical boundaries.

It's easier to find your physical boundary, just have
someone walk up to until you get uncomfortable.
Once that person gets close enough for you to feel
"crowded", they're in your 'space'...

You'll tend to back up a bit, at least you'll put
more of your wieght on the heels of your feet.

Boundaries are the epidermis of your sense of self.
They are the container for your sense of self.

You cannot wiegh self esteem, it has no specific
gravity, neither does a daydream or any other
thought that pops into your mind.

You can't keep self esteem without a box to keep
it in, boundaries are that box.

When you don't have *good* boundaries, you can't
even tell what the hell we're talking about...

*who is to say what a good boundary is? for our
purposes just say functional boundary)

If you guilt or are guiltable, you have a *hole*
in your boundary.

Bad or less than functional boundaries are not
always cut and dried, you can be selfish on
some areas and not in others. You can be
manipulative with some people (say co workers),
but that doesn't automatically correlate to
you being manipulative with everyone.

Structure is useful, if you're only comfortable
with less than functional boundaries cause that's
all you've ever known, cause your parents only
taught you that.... structure is gonna seem like
cod liver oil, it's gonna taste bad.


For an addict, it can be a useful strategy,
temporarily, until you can get comfortable with
boundaries and structure... to have someone else
hold your money when you get paid.

This is NOT a fix.

This is NOT being responsible.

this IS training wheels on your tricylce.

I knew a guy, a real asshole, a wife beater,
a hard core crack addict, the brother of a
friend of mine... he did this and it did
impress me:

Once you get paid, before you even get
tempted to fuck up, get a money order for
your rent or car payment or whatever,
then mail it off to your self.

Binge on what's left.
You're a addict.
You were gonna do that anyway...

but this way at least you're not gonna
smoke your rent and get kicked out on
the street again.

This way you wont have to be embarrased and
ask your children (again)to loan you enough
money to keep a roof over your head.

We're gonna have to LEARN how to treat
ourselves with respect.

This is a LEARNED behavior.

As addicts we have little or no expirience
with treating ourselves with respect.

It's gonna take practice...

How long did it take you to learn how to walk?

get my drift?

More coming, I don't have a cocaine hangover
anymore...

Oh yeah, take vitamins, the crack sucks em out
of your system.... and remember to drink lots
of water, just because you're still using
doesn't mean you can't take baby steps to
getting better.

note to self, find that post on Grace on which
ever of my other blogs has it... it's probably
on more than one of my blogs.

David Bruce Jr.
Frederick MD
http://victimbehavior.blogspot.com

http://repairmanual4selfdestructivebehavior.blogspot.com

http://endselfdestructivebehavior.com
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These articles are for informational purposes only. Contact a licenced counselor if you're in crisis.