Crack Cocaine Addiction sucks ass

It takes one to know one.

All addictions are ultimately Victim Behavior- they're also a symptom of codependency.

Recovery (serenity) requires a quantum shift, detachment defined is nothing (because Ego is digitalized), and detachment 'experienced' is serenity.

Friday, September 04, 2009

What it's like now that I'm clean

There were grandiose ideas I had when I started this blog and the codependency blogs I started back in 2001. I'd hoped to write stuff that would be sharing my experience, strength and hope for those like me who were "saveable".

At first I wrote to speak to educated addicts (including self educated like me) who could understand the theories behind the addiction authors I was learning from. I was surprised to discover most of my blog readers were therapists and drug counselors.

From my experience as a user I've been able to observe behaviors up close and personal, unlike a psychologist who observes as an outsider and draws conclusions based on text book theories and case studies. I'm erudite enough to have been in what I think is a unique position of knowing what the counselors know and knowing what is really going on inside a users psyche.

I'm gonna get hate mail from academics on this but I've come to believe that for men, sex addiction and total loss of any real hope of actually having a functional relationship with a woman is the over-riding force behind men crack smokers.

If you are internally beaten down, self-deprecating has become woven into the fabric of your perception and you are sure you have zero chance of a real relationship... that automatically means you have no chance at a functional sex life.

Translation: The only way you're gonna get laid is with a Crack Ho.

Treat Sex Addiction and the horsepower behind the substance abuse melts away.

I had health problems that were untreated leading to 5 years of impotence. In 2000 my "plumbing came back", while sexually non functional I withdrew into a self imposed prison. It's not like I didn't do something constructive during this period, I threw myself into learning how to use computers, learning how to type, learning how to build computers, learning how to admin a MS DOS box, win95 box, win98 box, built high performance gaming boxes, learned html, learned how to admin a webserver, learned the Unix operating system (windows is for pussies btw) but I didn't have a life, let alone a sex life... can we say "pent up demand" real, real loud?

I used hard (and got laid a few times)from 2003 to 2005, my Dad died in July 2005, got evicted from Dad's house (moved in with him and ran his Internet business and dry cleaning pick up & delivery business at his request), then lived in several crack hotels until I moved to Frederick in 2006.

Life from that point on was of declining cocaine use, inching ever closer to abstinence. That happened in fits and spurts. So don't let em tell you you've gotta quit cold turkey or it won't ever work. How many times did you *attempt* to quit smoking cigs, huh? shut the f*** up.

As of this writing I'm over 300 days clean.
So to the most important person in the room, the hero with 24 hours sobriety, there is light at the end of the tunnel.

I've got to get back to work, more coming

These articles are for informational purposes only. Contact a licenced counselor if you're in crisis.


kevin said...

Reading your post made me thing about how you equate sex addiction to crack cocaine use. Dopamine which is produced naturally by your body is the overriding reason you like and liked crack. Using crack jacks up your dopamine levels to unheard of amounts 10 x's your bodies natural abilities. It's the jones not the sex that your bodies chasing as in 10 x's the bodies dopamine levels.

David Bruce said...

Thanks for sharing that, I'm sure the dopamine thing intensifies the craving for sex. I'm of the opinion that the distortion of a desire for sex is underlaying the movement towards not only the substance but the sex the substance will lead to.

In other words, in sex addiction what an addict equates to sex is distorted, it's as if one's validation as a human is tied to someone wanted you sexually.

A sex addict has no intrinsic "validation", "we not ok by ourselves, we need (X) something outside of us to validate us"

I do agree with your thesis, once the crack addiction has begun, what you described in terms of dopamine probably accelerates and exacerbates an already screwed up relationship between sex, sexuality and validation.

And I'd add if you are (in reality, not a crack distorted reality)
short, fat bald and ugly

you WILL get oral sex from women who are "out of your league"
if those women are crack addicts.

take away the drug and that "short, fat, bald and ugly guy will never get a woman that attractive.

sorry if that sounds like I'm denigrating short, fat, bald and ugly guys but you get my drift.