Crack Cocaine Addiction sucks ass

It takes one to know one.

All addictions are ultimately Victim Behavior- they're also a symptom of codependency.

Recovery (serenity) requires a quantum shift, detachment defined is nothing (because Ego is digitalized), and detachment 'experienced' is serenity.

Thursday, September 07, 2006

Withdrawal & Internal Self Talk

Every time I've quit smoking, the first couple days (if I've been smoking a lot) my muscles ache. This passes soon though.

In about 3 weeks or so, the cravings leave...
I begin to think I'm out of the woods...

Invariably, after a few months of 'being a choir boy', my thoughts of 'indulging because I've done so well' creep in to my thoughts.

The rationalization is that I've made some critical amends, fixed a lot of what I'd screwed up by being irresponsible with money/time/ you name it (when I was using)...

I begin to think that I've somehow *Earned* a guilt free indulgence.

AA would call this 'stinkin thinkin'

My crack using friends also report something similar to this 'I've been a good boy, I've earned it' syndrome.

I've found that my sobriety depends a lot on what I say to myself, internally.

Remember the movie - "Austin Powers, The Spy who Shagged Me" with Mike Myers?
There was a scene where Austin is unfrozen and says:
"I'll bet she shags like a minx!"
Then this discovery:
"I've got no inner monologue"

Well, we all have an inner monologue... This is what tells us *we've earned a guilt free indulgence*

Gotta watch your inner self talk, did you know we all have kinda split personalities inside your head?

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