You aren't going to stop...

If you're trying to stop smoking crack, you're not likely to get very far with that.

How many times have you seen someone stop smoking cigarettes?

How many times have they 'quit', went back to smoking, quit again and so on.

If you really want some lasting relief from this addiction, shoot for a much MUCH better target!

Shoot for something OTHER than to QUIT doing something.

What IS addiction anyway? I mean how is it described?

Ok, that's rather subjective isn't it?

Who is doing the describing? Who?

Doctors

Psychologists

Probation Officers

Prosecutors

Drug Counselors

YOU the user

The definition I like is the one Dr Drew uses:

The definition of addiction is that you keep doing stuff even if it has negative consequences

Don't try to STOP doing anything.. try to START imagining a life with out Crack!

How YOU define addiction is going to determine if you ever have half a chance of quiting.

Insanity

Did you know that Jeffery Dahlmer was NOT insane?

Not legally, not even clinically. If he was found insane by legal standards he would have ended up in an institution and not prison.

There isn't any way for Dahlmer to be clinically insane because psychologists do not have a category of insanity...

it's a legal definition ONLY

What's that mean? The entire realm of what you can do and what you can't do is subjective.

HUH? it's SUBJECT to how you categorize it.

If you catagorize QUIT doing X as:

painful

shit now I have to give up something that I DO like to do

quit? not much likleyhood of THAT ever happening

those are PRESUPPOSITIONS, and they're unconscious PREsuppostions at that.

Rather than beat yourself over the head and make your self feel even more like a loser...

Use Guerilla Recovery

You're not gonna win this battle by taking the adversary on in an even fight.

He'll beat the living shit out of you and you know it, your friends know it, your Mom knows it, your ex girlfriend knows it, your Boss knows it, and your Probation officer knows it.

Did the colonial army REALLY think it could take on the British in a fair fight?
Did the Indians really think they could take on the US Calvary in a fair fight?

Guerilla tactics are: Don't try to quit, and don't pretend you can simply switch to a eumphenistic 'drug free' (what bullshit, to think you can just... hmm, what if you can??)

What's realistic is to BEGIN to imagine what life would be like if you:

still had money the next day

didn't have to bum cigarettes or pull butts out of the ashtray

You actually answered the phone when your kids called because this time you're not blasted, geeking, crawling on the floor hunting for that piece of lint that you already know is NOT a piece of crack that fell out of the stem

Nope, what is realistic is to BEGIN to imagine
Did you notice that 3 of the 12 steps don't say DO X,Y or Z

3 of the steps say "Came to believe"

imagine... build up to behavior, for now just leave behavior on the back burner.
Just imagine

As addicts we're dysfunctional, we wouldn't know functional behavior if it crawled up in our lap and called us MAMA. We might have even done functional shit BY MISTAKE and not even recognized it as functional behavior.

how the hell do WE know what functional behavior is like, if we've never done it before, our parents have never done it before, we don't even KNOW people that know how to be functional.

so... this 'Imagine what it'd be like to be crack free' is something we're obviously gonna have to practice.

When you first jumped into a car, when you were, what? 15. Where you instantly Jimmy Johnson (everybody keeps telling me I look like him, I hope he's winning... if he's gonna walk around looking like me he better)

You jumped the curb a bit the first time you drove a car.

Observation

To observe is the most powerful verb in the english language, it really is.

Observing seems 'passive', but it's not. Consider it 'range finding for artillery'
What good is a howitzer if you don't have the range?

More coming it's late and my granddaughter just woke up





==========
These articles are for informational purposes only. Contact a licenced counselor if you're in crisis.

Incremental self respect

Incremental self respect.

Lower your target to what you can do THIS WEEK.

This is guerrilla recovery.

You really aren't going to completely stop, all at once, how many of your non addict friends quit smoking cigarettes the first time, cold turkey?

Get real.

Work up to it this way... and if you don't work on internal self respect you're just gonna start smoking again as soon as the pain of being addicted/ broke/ fired/ evicted (again)/ your children are tired of you asking to borrow money (again), your parents hang up on you... you get the picture

... all of the above sounds too much like you, I know.

Ok, Not all addicts are addicted the same, Didja know that?

And here's another bright side (the above sounded kinda gloomy, been there, bought way too many tee shirts)... how much your addicted can go up and down.

Bettcha didn't know that one!

If you can't turn something off (like SHAME) then turn the volume down.


You think your a piece of sh** right now, cause you can't quit.. you wont even try cause you already know it's not gonna work... you don't even apply to certain jobs because you KNOW you're not gonna pass the piss test.

Divide and Conquer

You know more than one crack dealer... I know you do, what do you do when your main person is out of stock?

OK, so you know more than one... I'll bet some of the crack dealers you know smoke and some do NOT smoke their own product, correct?

And of the ones that DO smoke, some of them have some restraint, correct?

You KNOW what I'm talking about... there ARE some people who can HOLD product, WANT to smoke, have it PHYSICALLY on their PERSON and refrain from smoking up their product.

You may not know many people like this, but it demonstrates that there ARE levels of being addicted...

So how's that gonna help you?

Work at being LESS addicted, incrementally

Work at... let's pick a battle we're likely to win:

once you start smoking... keep enough for cigs the next day (spend down to $5 and keep that in your pocket... for christs sakes, it wont even buy a single hit)

keep a minimum of $5 in your pocket for an entire week

stop speaking to yourself as if you're trash

That last one is a post to itself... addicts are seldom aware that their internal self talk is characterized by 'beatin themselves up'

we beat ourselves up so much we're accustomed to it...

How much you're addicted is NOT set in stone... you can eat at it around the fringes, look at it this way... just because someone's first opinion of you sucks, you DO get another chance to make a first impression... EVERY impression is new.

God does not take off points for past failures
that my friend is a SELF INFLICTED WOUND

Grace is a Gift, it's NOT based on performance.

The same amount of Grace God made available to us at age 9 months
is there at 29 and will be there at 79

He does not subtract Grace for screwing up.. the only one's keepin score is US.

Every time you inhale, it's First and Ten.

With God we ALL get UNLIMITED first downs.


==========
These articles are for informational purposes only. Contact a licenced counselor if you're in crisis.

Supply of better crack in Frederick coming back

A while ago I posted that you couldn't get any decent crack in Frederick Maryland where I live.

The authorities (City of Frederick Police, Frederick County Police, and whoever else) did such a good job of interdiction that they'd virtually shut down the supply.

Well, for the most part that's still true.

But.

There is a tiny bit of more powerful stuff circulating.

Want the good news?

So many people, not the hard core addicts that go to any length to get high (shoplift or worse), so many light users got disgusted with paying $40 for baking soda that they refused to buy any more.

and that's a good thing.

What self respect issues come up with an addict when you buy garbage?

What are you 'telegraphing' about your level of internal self respect in your relationship with your crack dealer?

What? you didn't know you were telegraphing anything?

Ok picture this:

Someone, a shmuck goes to the store and buys a widget. The widget doesn't work.
They take it back... either the store gives em a new widget or the store tells em to fuck off.

What does the shmuck do if they tell him to fuck off?

He refuses to shop there any more...

ok, analogy here:

Your crack dealer sells you shit, it's drywall or cut so bad nothing comes back...
I've heard the phrase "ambusol crack", baking soda with a tinge of ambusol to make your lips numb... you *think* you're smoking crack.

A week goes by, you call all the people who you hope are going to have something decent... they don't answer... so what do you do?

You call the same people who sold you the bullshit?

What are you 'telegraphing' to them?

You're telling them there is no consquence for them to shit on you... you'll 'get over it'

so... there's no reason for them to stop *doing it to you*

In reality "You did it to yourself!"

Fool me once shame on you.

...Fool me twice shame on me

...Fool me a dozen or more times and I must've really wanted to be fucked over.

Does your crack dealer have more respect for themselves than you do?

See anything wrong with this picture?

http://victimbehavior.blogspot.com/2008/08/train-yourself-to-accept-self-respect.html




==========
These articles are for informational purposes only. Contact a licenced counselor if you're in crisis.

Context or Content?

If you're an active addict... that also means you're a codependent.

It's NOT POSSIBLE to be an addict of any kind, food addict, sugar addict, sex addict, control-aholic, drug addict, alcoholic, verbal abuser/ scream-aholic

none of the above... if you are one of those, underneath it all you are a codependent.

And if you're NOT an active addict, then you're what AA calls a 'dry drunk'.

You still base all incoming data, all internal decisions you make are from the context of being an addict... only thing you've changed is your drug of choice.

Either way, an addict has a particular world view, a global world view...

You're looking at the world thru a pre-supposition, Tony Robbins describes this as a Global World View characterized by Global Beliefs.

It's a context, the content of what you believe, content of what you respond to, content of your behavior is secondary to the context.

Codependency is a disease of irresponsibility.

Having said that, it's most definitely NOT to your advantage to punish yourself with guilt or shame.. you're already way too good at self deprecation as it is.



Lastly underneath all of the above is this premise:

You can not be codependent with out being a victim on the inside... not the 'act' you show to the world, what I'm talking about is having a victim context.

You see, the content is relatively irrelevant if the context is Victim Behavior

And lastly, this context is something YOU ARE NOT AWARE OF

You're doing it and you don't even know your doing it... and you:

think it's normal

think everybody else thinks the same way you do

if they don't think like you, you think thier fucked up

that's enough for now...I gotta change my grandaughters diaper






==========
These articles are for informational purposes only. Contact a licenced counselor if you're in crisis.

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These articles are for informational purposes only. Contact a licenced counselor if you're in crisis.

Don't try to stop smoking crack...

In a particular form of hypnosis called Neuro Linguistic Programing (N.L.P.) there is a tenent that can be illustrated like this:

Let's say you have a child, a todler, and you spot this child walking clumsily with a china plate in his/ her hand.

You're afraid he/she might drop the plate...

Most of us would probably say to the kid:

"Don't Drop that Plate!"

What are you doing with that command?

You're telling the kid to NOT do something.

How does a human brain process a command?

First the brain has to identify what's being asked of it.

Then it has to make an internal representation of the request.

Then it has to look over all the times in it's past (memory) to see if this has happened before.

Then it has to remember how that previous experience worked out back then

Sounds pretty exhausting doesn't it?

What's not so obvious is that in order for the little tyke's brain to represent what is being asked it has to think of that situation!

He/She could very easily respond to you with:

"Don't Drop that Plate!"
Kid says:
"You mean... like this?"

You made a negative command

What would be more efficient is for you to say:

"BE CAREFUL"

The child would have to make an internal representation of what "Be Careful" means.

You get my drift... so what's this got to do with the fact that you just got paid, cashed your check, you told yourself you weren't going to spend the rent money this time...

and... you run into one of your crack dealers????

What's this post got to do with that?


Don't waste your time trying to STOP doing sh**

Invest your time wisely investigating what a crack free life would be like!!!

What kinds of crap would you do if you were free of crack?

What would that look like, FEEL like?

What would it look like to not have to face your children and have them say to you:

"...did you spend ALL your money again Dad?"


At this point you're not even at the place where you examine what it would take to get to the point where you were crack free...

You're an addict, you've already got your hands full.

FOR NOW, the best thing you can do is OBSERVE

I'm serious, observing means.. don't criticize, you're already a world champion at the fine art of internal criticism

To observe means don't 'DO' anything, don't change anything... not yet.

First thing you've got to do is see what you've not been willing to see.

It didn't even occur to you that the possibility of imaginging a world where you were free of crack even existed.

You're not at that point yet.

Observing is a POWERFULL VERB, it's not simply doing nothing... how can you change what you can't even see yet?

Let's say you were in the military, you're in artillery, you run a howitzer... how in the hell can you hit a target you can't even see?

more coming
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These articles are for informational purposes only. Contact a licenced counselor if you're in crisis.